The man-eating crocodile who ate at least one man and one small girl, and was named Lolong after grandpas who are nice to kids, died. The Philippines went into national mourning. Anyway the media did.

They could have called him senador or congressman or pangulo or mayor. Yes the wrongly named Lolong was a long man-eating reptile who had been on an eating spree that may have lasted a century. He was finally hunted down, captured and shot, no, he was fed at the public expense, because the Guiness Book of Records certified he was the longest croc in captivity. So why not shoot him after taking the measurements and the photos? And his hide sold to Hermes for a special limited edition, as Twitter Cono Cabron suggested, with the proceeds going to the families of his dinners. This would more surely have immortalized and spread the word of the rare Philippine discovery. Instead he will be stuffed and displayed at the DENR after a funeral bash hosted by local officials who shed tears.

And yet he is as dead now as he should have been when he was tracked down, and measured for posterity with equal accuracy dead or alive.

Why did we spend to keep this man-eater alive? For science? Why, was he going to grow longer? No, he stayed as he was, a big long croc who stopped growing long ago. Meanwhile, the poor people covered with mud in Compostela Valley may soon be extinct from lack of govt assistance and they won't even make it to the Guiness Book of Records. Nah, don't keep well.