BBC Scotland reports that there is no truth to the theory that the eyes are the windows to the soul, as Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy said. But I knew that already. My oculist shines a light into my eyes to see the back of my eye socket.

So Edinburgh University experts tested whether it is true that when you lie, your eyes shift right and when you tell the truth they shift left. It turns out that shifty eyes are just trying to imagine or remember something. Shifty eyes are just an element of neuro-linguistic programming. So that when right-handed people are trying to imagine something, their eyes roll right; when they are trying to remember something, left. Yun lang pala. And I suppose it is the opposite if they are left-handed. Now the shifty-eyed who really are shifty can say, it is just neuro-lingo working, not me lying.

But there are giveaway signs of lying. Like 1) the disappearance of first person pronouns. When a storyteller stops referring to herself and tries to sound objective by using only the third person. She is distancing herself from the fiction she is creating which is why newspaper reports are frequently in the third person.

2) Lying is hard. Most people are not smart enough to walk and chew gum so when a speaker stands still he is lying, unless he is Italian or Filipino who tend to move their hands a lot, not to mention scream. These races move their hands a lot and may still be telling the truth. Most members of the College of Cardinals are Italian.

3) Umms and errs, unless they are journalists or politicians. Liars tend not to be glib. They grope for words though teleprompters may overcome this handicap. Unless they are really illiterate...

4) People who pause to think before answering are liars, say the same experts. Those who do not pause before answering may have mouth muscles disconnected from their brains. That's what I say.

5) Liars tend to move their hands around more than truth tellers, again unless they are Italians or Filipinos, which is not to say that the more physically restrained and expressively circumspect races like Americans and British do not lie whenever their lips are moving. They just do it better.

Keep well.